How You Can Pull Yourself Out of the Hopelessness Hole
It’s okay to sit in your feelings for a bit. Just don’t set up shop.
Sometimes life is just shitty. There’s no doubt about that. We get knocked down, sometimes one too many times in a row, and we can really start to feel that sense of hopelessness.
We begin to wonder whether this is the way it is. It is easy to see how sinking into a deep hole of hopelessness happens and how it is easy to get stuck in this feeling.
Pulling yourself out of this hole can seem daunting, but it’s not impossible.
Remain rational
Remaining rational is a tricky start to all of this. We get so caught up in our emotions that all sense of rationality can quickly go out the window. We watch our rational self fly-by as we sink a little deeper into our hopelessness.
Remember that life is not static — that is, things are always changing, which means things will not always look and feel like this. Be kind to yourself and remind yourself to be patient. Know that the intensity of these feelings will pass.
Emotions are fleeting, while facts are tangible. When we lead with our emotions, our brains tell us what we feel rather than what we know to be true. These can be very different things. Stick with the facts of the story.
Let’s say you had an awful week at work and are worried about your job. It’s easy to get caught up in the emotion of this pressure. Instead of getting that sinking hopeless feeling, first, ask yourself:
What do I know to be true?
What are the facts?
What was actually said/done/decided?
Be aware of ‘absolutes’. Words like should, always, all, none, never, only or every are examples of ‘absolute’ words, and words like this can be dangerous. These words can distort our thinking and perspective. You may notice having said phrases like:
“Nothing I ever do is good enough.”
“All of my life is awful.”
“I never do anything well.”
“I always screw things up.”
Notice how final these phrases are. They leave no room for rationality, growth, or movement, which keeps you stuck in the hopeless hole.
Remind yourself of your strength
You are resilient and strong. You have navigated your way through your life’s adversity to this point, and you have survived. Undoubtedly there have been periods of highs and perhaps some really awful lows.
However, the reality is that you made it through all of that, and this new challenge will be no different. Remind yourself that you do have all you need to get through this.
You are capable of adapting. Adaptation is about changing to meet new challenges. Like I said before, life is not static, and you have demonstrated your ability to change through all of that.
Find your own way of adapting to these changes and challenges, in a way that right for you.
Find your supports
Individuals or groups have the power to help you through. Find your people, those who can help you through this time. There is no shame in asking for help. Just as you would help your loved ones through difficult times, allow them to support you in the same way.
Surround yourself in like-minded people, positive people not negative. Find those who want to help you out of your funk, not aid you in sinking deeper.
Misery loves company, and when you are knocked down, misery will try and find you. If you are struggling, someone close to you who is unhappy in their own life (and not taking steps to change this) can keep you in a negative space. This does not help pull you out of your hole.
Be aware of those who are helping you or holding you back.
Look for the positives
There are always positives hiding in there, no matter how small. Find that gleam of hope and run with it. It may be that thing that you need to get you out of this feeling.
From here, more positive will follow because now your brain is starting to rewire to see things from a positive perspective and not from a negative one.
From positivity comes hope. Creating a sense of hope is a powerful driver in seeing beyond hopelessness to what is waiting on the other side. When we have hope, we have a belief or awareness that things will get better.
We become more future-focused. It is a mind-frame that overcomes adversity simply through the belief that things will change. That’s powerful.
Adversity or difficult situations are a part of life. Sometimes we can get stuck in the not-so-great feelings when things feel a little too tough. Low feelings can create a sense of hopelessness of the situation, ourselves, and perhaps our future.
Awareness of your feelings is a conscious and deliberate start to pulling yourself out of the hopeless hole. Create a sense of hope. Find something positive to hold onto.
Know that everything in our lives is always shifting and moving — and this too will pass.
Originally published at https://bebravely.com.au/ on December 27th, 2020
